


to service (your) man.

by valvet



Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Established Relationship, Intimacy, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Steward Fetish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:00:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27565669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valvet/pseuds/valvet
Summary: "Did the other officers love Fitzjames like the way he loved him? Would they go to their knees and show how much they cared? Most definitely not, no officer cared --- adored James the way he did."
Relationships: James Fitzjames/Orignal Male Character
Kudos: 1





	to service (your) man.

V doesn’t remember the last time he felt happy in his body. It had been so long, so awfully stretched out that the idea of being somewhere warm, somewhere happy where he could not feel so isolated that the idea; the concept even, was one that had been washed away by the ice. He’d wake up each morning with a heavy heart, and more importantly, a hurting mind and body, his chest filled with hot coals and the front of his head ached with the scent of mold. A horrible time.

Never in his life did he drink, his father used to, heavily at that. He was necessarily an angry drunk per say, but he was more melancholy, he’d sit with a hand to his head, a drink in the other as he’d look out at the cape, a weary look on his face the entire time. But now, with this whole situation in front of him, V understood that sentiment of drinking to feel something other than emptiness. 

Now, he drank, morning, afternoon and during the evening--it wasn’t much though, just a glass of any alcohol he could muster up the courage to find, it did help to some extent, to null the pre-existing pain that is, however, during meetings, where it was served, his appetite for it lessened and instead he’d look right into the other men’s cups instead.

But, that seemed to be besides the point; here he was in his cabin, an entire bottle in hand as he was half naked and drenched in his own tears, eyes puffy and red as he cracked open the bottle, beginning the long process of drinking the entire thing. 

He’d seen men in this state of being before, his first thought was Francis, he’d been aboard Terror a number of times, and when he did, he’d always wait by the door before a meeting began, listening in as he could hear choked back sobs, even during it he could see how stained his face was and the whiskey on his breath.

Seems the positions had changed, someone was probably listening--most definitely, Erebus is filled with men who prod at others, they look with wide eyes and ask questions that you know the answer to, but can’t tell, not now, not ever. They would mock him now, call him all the names their prudent mouths could think of, not like it mattered-- V didn’t matter, he was an officer, yes, but never to be missed, never to serve like he wanted, to be cherished at all.

By the time the next evening came, he had gotten a letter under his berth, written directly to him, odd, usually people didn’t resort to letter taking on a ship.

_ “Mr. Dooley, meet me in my cabin tonight, after the meeting that is, bring a towel with you _

__ _ Yours truly, James Fitzjames” _

__ That certainly brought a level of light back into his heart, V loved--liked James, they’d kiss in secret, stealing meals from each other to spend cooped up in each other's beds, late night hours spent by a fire only to brush hands against each other, he’d been taken by him once even! V felt a smile creep to his face, and at that, shoved it into his coat pocket, perhaps he wouldn’t have to drink tonight.

He still did, during the meeting, the way Thomas Jopson offered it with those kind eyes, that small smile--he couldn’t resist to publicly try it.

_ “I’ve never seen you drink before, Mr. Dooley”  _ Sir John had said, he laughed.

_ “I enjoy pleasure once in a good while, sir, can’t put myself through misery forever” _ it was a smart enough lie that V almost believed it himself for a moment.

Of course then came the self-doubt, the anguish, the dysphoria of his own existence; his face went pale as it continued on, up until it wasn’t, and he and James were alone, V still sitting half in his own mind, then a hand to his shoulder came, and a concerned expression that threatened even the idea of depressive episodes.

“Are you alright?” 

“Mhm” V knew that wasn’t really a proper response, but at least he tried, “I am...fine, in terms of everything put together” 

James shifted his weight and sighed.

“Don’t lie, you know how easy it is for me to know--”   
“James if I was lying I would’ve been more obvious today, I am not that miserable that it need be a concern,” even if he did love--or at least think to love James, didn’t mean he couldn’t dispute and argue like old people did.

“Still, I called you here for a reason, I’m not a foolish lover” V stood up, half breaking his own body in two just from the effort of it all.

“You did...asked me to bring a towel as well, I managed up one,” he then unearthed a horrible excuse for a rag and put it on the table, it wasn’t in the worst condition, but definitely was--  _ heavily _ used, in terms of what he could figure out James was implying. 

The look of regret, then disappointment came over his face like a masterpiece of art, and V laughed, at long last. 

“Where in Christ’s name did you...get this from?” 

“I found it under my bed, must’ve forgotten I had it, or somebody left it under there for me” 

“My god” James couldn’t help but laugh as well, “you devil,”

“I know I am, no need to overuse it on your tongue” 

Then, James kissed him, it wasn’t as rough as it would usually be in this type of tongue and cheek scenario, but it was quite--desperate, longing even; V let him in immediately, why refuse him now, especially the man who made him the closest thing to euphoria?

“Going to kill me by the end of this trip,” he began, breath ragged and filled with lust, “to think I’ll die from the frost, when your mere existence makes my heart warm” V felt a knot in his throat

“James--”

“Hush now, I brought you here for a reason--I have a request to make of you,” it's like it was back to the basics for the moment, blood rushed right to his face and--well everywhere else that would make him moan.

“And what would that be, James?” It was always such a thin line that he had to walk on in terms of getting that lust in his eyes, V didn’t want to be prudish, but to be as whorish as he was when eh was filled with cock--well then things would be over and done with quite quickly, now wouldn’t it? 

“Tell me your fantasies about me” his mouth went agape before laughing, “let me try that again, I want to indulge you, dear” 

Oh?   
__ _ Oh.  _

V squirmed about, awkwardly chuckling to himself as he attempted to keep his cool -- like hell was to kill James, it was more likely that James would kill him with this!

“James you...Christ I don’t know!” The idea of giving even the most basic, most bland fantasy away made him feel ill, James was an open man, considering this whole relationship but still -- no man would want him, it was pitiful. 

“Take your time, but -- I can imply what I think you want though” V grinned

“Tell me then” James took his chance to lean into V’s neck, kissing it softly as his hands managed already to begin the process of untying his necktie.

“You’re a lonely man -- feel like you need a bit of love, and physical shows of it, I see the way you stare at me with those sad eyes, its horrible to witness and I wish to relieve you of that,”

“Mmhm, maybe” V moved his neck up, revealing the rest of his flesh, perhaps he wouldn’t mind one…”I want to make you feel good, James” was the best thing he could manage out before softly groaning.

“Do you now? Tell me more about that, dear,”

“I -- I want to be before you on my knees, maybe take off your jacket for you after a dinner and let you tell me what I need to make you happy,” something about the way a steward acted always got V to think -- if it wasn’t for the fact he’d be a glorified maid, perhaps it wouldn’t have been the worst thing imaginable, to serve James as close as possible.

“Christ...continue?” His hands moved slightly lower, down to his torso and V took the chance to push James closer to him, chest to chest at that point.

“I’d take you in my mouth, hand on your thigh and let you use me how you may please, if you tell me to jump I’ll ask how high, and if you tell me bend over the table during a meeting then I will --”

“Your mouth --”

“I want to button your cuffs for you, let you take me over your knee when I misbehave and -- I wish to be your steward so badly and service you” James then went directly to his mouth again, grabbing him by the sides of his face roughly; lovingly. It was so hard not to accept this, even with the doubt of self, James adored him enough to let him speak such vile things.

Then, he was slammed against the table, roughly at that! V whimpered, good god ---. James’s mouth and body against his back, now that would kill him today for sure.

“Would you? Because I’d take you harshly over me, spank you until you were black and blue, make you scream and then comfort your sore arse -- or are you saying that because it’s nice to see me red?” James’s voice was shaky, the scent of arousal on his tongue.

“I’d let you do whatever you need to me, to make you pleased,  _ Commander _ ” 

At that sly move of his tongue, James took him to the ground, a heavy red face upon him as he strided over to his chair, sitting down with his legs spread; it was a wonderful sight, his lover in front of him.

“Come to me then, show me how much you wish to make me pleased”

Who was he to refuse such an offer?

V crawled over, looking up at him with lustful eyes; only in his dreams did this happen, he’d take him during a meeting and make him take his cock like a good officer would, all the men would watch him in awe, James’s voice in his ear the entire time telling him to give a good smile for the rest of the men.

By the time he was before him, still on his knees like a damned man, he noticed the obvious erection in James’s pants, and he knew exactly what was needed, he undid James’s pants and stood before him was his throbbing cock, and a hand was placed on his head, forcing his mouth gently onto his dick. V couldn’t help but moan, a hand to his thigh as he let his face get used as it should be, for his Commander’s pleasure.

“Good, you’re doing -- such a good job,” even the hissing through his teeth was desperate.

V took it upon himself to go slack in the face, James’s hand pushing him forward onto his cock, filling his mouth so nicely, so full. The speed easily picked up as well, James’s face was red and tight, eyes shut with a slightly agape mouth -- a wonderfully sinful sight.

Did the other officers love Fitzjames like the way he loved him? Would they go to their knees and show how much they cared? Most definitely not, no officer cared --- adored James the way he did.

V’s face was pulled off him soon after, James looked like he was about to burst at the seams, his hand slightly twitching as he sighed.

“I need to have you,” oh, he could definitely agree.

“On your lap then?” 

“Christ -- yes, clever aren't you?” V quickly got on him, ass up against his straining cock.

“Try to be, what would you like more, Commander? My ass or my cunt?” James’s eyes were so wide at that, but he managed a grin at that.

“Which would you recommend?” Oh, V laughed.

“It's tighter up my ass, but my cunt is always inviting for you, Commander,” it's not that he’s a whore, that implied he’d slept with more than one man, but, he knew how to talk -- how to make somebody feel a certain way. 

“Mhm, undo your pants for me, I’d like to see that quim of yours,” why would he ever refuse? James always took care with him, when he had first shown his body -- that wretched thing of scars and wrong body parts, he was so gentle, so nice about it.

_ “Beautiful,”  _ he said,  _ “my handsome boy.” _

__ No man was like that, even men who got close to him (never did he let them touch, it wasn’t their right to have him), they’d press their thick skulls into his chest and make V feel death itself come to him. 

“Oh, I definitely would like your cunt, Mr. Dooley,” James pressed the tip of his cock to him. “Warm as ever, I wouldn’t change anything for this moment with you,”

V didn’t even care about the fact it would still hurt, James being this close to him was all he needed, the entire feeling of being filled with his love, his own man -- it made him weep. No words had to be spoken for him to know how much he cared, this whole act spoke for itself. 

Melancholy and all of it lasts forever it seemed, but not now, not with James by him, inside of him.

**Author's Note:**

> i am to ask for kudos and comments please. maybe next fic i'll write something that isn't just me dealing with depression, but today is in fact, not that day.


End file.
